Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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