Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
