Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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