Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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