she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
