i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
