I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
