hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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