This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize