Already got asked if we're dating
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
