Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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