Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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