Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
