I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't turn off my feet"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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