I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
