Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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