It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
