How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
