I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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