Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
