All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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