Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
