id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
