its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
