My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize