Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
