Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
