Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
