You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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