my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You made out with two different species that night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
