i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize