There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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