i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
