Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
