I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize