My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
