i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
