rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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