xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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