we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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