Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
