whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
