I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
