OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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