Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
