I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
