I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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