so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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