I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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