I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize