I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
