I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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