These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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