In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
