when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
