They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
