I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
