well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
