My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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