I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
