Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
