this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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