Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
