Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
