Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
