you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
