he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
