her vagine was all disorganized.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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