all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize