I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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