I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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