I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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