Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
