we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
