remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
