we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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