he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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