I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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