i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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