we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
