It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
