you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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