his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
