i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
