I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
