So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
