Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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