Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
