i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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