do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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