I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
