this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
