He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
