I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
