He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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