hotel room ftw
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
