I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
