Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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