the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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