I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
