shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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