good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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