THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
