Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
