Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
