I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
